Tesla's Robotaxi Plan: A Black Mirror Episode, But With Fewer Ethics

When Your CEO Is a Walking Liability

Elon Musk has apparently decided to celebrate his plummeting brand trust by launching a robotaxi service in Texas—because nothing says “I have my life together” like letting the most dangerous car brand in America drive itself through suburban Austin while its CEO tweets through a pharmaceutical fog.

Tesla, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, is now officially the deadliest car brand in the U.S. . That’s not a sarcastic exaggeration. That’s the data. Yet Musk, with the caffeinated confidence of a college sophomore at Burning Man, has unveiled plans for autonomous taxis with no one in the driver’s seat. What could possibly go wrong?

Launch First, Apologize Later (Maybe)

The robotaxi fleet will reportedly start with just ten vehicles and ramp up "safely"—a word that, in Muskian dialect, translates loosely to “we’ll fix it in beta”. No drivers, no steering wheels, no apologies. Just vibes and an AI trained on whatever was left of sanity at OpenAI before Elon rage-quit.

Despite repeated public rejections of Tesla’s full self-driving technology—over 60% of surveyed Americans say it’s unsafe and nearly half want it outright banned—Musk is determined to launch these steel slot machines onto public roads. Because who needs societal consent when you have Twitter followers?

Fear and Loathing in Austin, TX

Public response, as you might expect, is best described as “deeply alarmed.” In fact, a stunning 71% of people say they wouldn’t ride in a robotaxi, while 43% think they should be illegal. Tesla’s consumer trust score, meanwhile, is deep underwater, with a negative net trust rating and the lowest safety perception among EV brands. Toyota, whose vehicles don’t routinely confuse pedestrians with speed bumps, scores 80% on safety. Tesla? A casual 49%—and that’s from people who already own EVs.

Still, Tesla insists the program is ready, having completed a whopping 15,000 miles of employee-only test rides. That’s adorable. Toyota drivers accidentally cover that during a Costco run.

Autonomous Car, Unsupervised CEO

Musk’s attention is split across roughly eight failing ventures, one surreal political flirtation, and a Twitter account that reads like a cry for help encoded in memes. Pension fund leaders are begging Tesla’s board to require that he work a full 40-hour week. That’s right—they have to ask him to do his job.

So naturally, this is the perfect time to let his ghost ship of a car company ferry people around, unchaperoned, like it’s a Doom speedrun.

Closing Thoughts From the Passenger Seat of Despair

If there were ever a metaphor for modern techno-capitalist collapse, it’s this: a billionaire on ketamine promising safety from the wheel of the deadliest car in America, while his investors wonder if he even remembers the name of the company he technically runs.

Sweet dreams, Austin. You might want to start wearing reflective vests indoors.

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